


I Will Never Let You Fall

by soren_berdichev



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, F/M, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, Reminiscing, Rival Relationship, Rival Sex, Rivalmance (Dragon Age)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:54:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29493141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soren_berdichev/pseuds/soren_berdichev
Summary: In a place of eternal darkness, where the sunlight will never touch, Alistair and Elissa, who were still in their rivalry due to very different opinions about Grey Warden Order and Duncan, made a covenant. He made her a promise, and she gave him her most precious thing.
Relationships: Alistair/Female Cousland (Dragon Age)
Kudos: 2





	I Will Never Let You Fall

******* (The New Year Day, 9:31, somewhere in the Deep Road, between The Dead Trenches and Anvil of Void)  
*  
*

Alistair sat there, leaning on the boulder behind him, watching through the faintly discernible light, as the blonde girl, who lay on the ground not yet ten paces from him, finally stopped to stir. Beside her, the dark-haired witch had already fallen asleep for a while.

With a weary sigh, the former templar rose a hand, rubbing his brow softly. He could feel a thin layer of sweat gathering there. Still, by and large, today, the first day of 9:31, Dragon, had passed smoother than he dared to hope at the beginning of it. He tried to greet them happy new year then. Elissa responded like a mindless doll, the witch didn’t appear to hear him at all. That’s when he knew something went terribly wrong.

_Please don’t abandon us to the darkness._

He should have foreseen it, if he were not so immersed in his own task. “Your brain’s too small for thinking. Just swing your sword and let us think for you.” The witch sneered at him. Morrigan was right. She was always right. Content to be a follower without having to make any decision, he left too much burden on Elissa, right to the moment she snapped. 

Still lied on the cold, dank cave floor, where she had landed after being hurled off by the broodmother’s dying throes, Leliana tried to rise up, trying to support herself with both hands, but she couldn’t. It was then she found out her feet was broken, immobilizing her. Incredulity was written on her face, before it was slowly yet implacably replaced by horror and desperation, as the full implication of her immobility in such a place sank in. An awkward silence followed… for a short while. Then, a heart-wrenching scream filled everyone’s ears. Belatedly, her companions swarmed to her side, not to comfort her, but to gag her shrieking cry, lest she draw more monsters toward them. Monsters borne by the woman once called Laryn. 

They were faced with a deadly dilemma. Either abandoned their quest and escorted Leliana back to the city, and thus, forgot about putting the candidate of their choice on the throne of Orzammar and securing that kingdom’s help, or left the Orlesian bard behind and possibly condemned her to the eternal darkness. No one spoke a word. They were all waiting. Waiting for Elissa to make the decision, as always, alone. Then, a collected sigh of relief, when that happened. Like everyone else, he watched her announce the edict to Leliana all by herself, choking with sobs. The bard made no protest, only giving a blank stare, her face as dead as the broodmother’s carcass that ominously loomed over them. The arrangement to leave Wynne and Sten with her didn't provide much consolation.

The next day, Elissa came to him when no one else was noticing. Begging with tearful eyes. For herself, and for Morrigan. Begging him not to leave them behind, as what happened to Leliana.

_I will do anything you ask._

Alistair grimaced. There were a lot of things he could ask of her. First of all, how about stop insulting Duncan and Grey Warden Order and cursing their name whenever she felt like to? He knew that’s not what Elissa meant, but she would obey. She was terrified of this place, of what she had done. She longed for his protection, his reassurance. She would do this for him, and many other things, whatever he demanded. She was vulnerable, as vulnerable as in that dark autumn night, letting herself dragged away without offering much resistance, leaving her burning home and dying family behind, being forced into a life she detested and would never accept. It would be such a wonderful idea to make her do whatever he demanded… and lose her last shred of respect for the order, namely _him_. 

The young templar saw Duncan enter the training hall, walking at his usual, measured pace. Alistair’s order brothers and sisters gazed upon the grizzled warden, some curiously, others with open disapproval. They all thought the old man crazy, trying to recruit from The Maker’s own legion. Only he knew otherwise. Without hesitation, he walked forward, begged Duncan to take him away. “I am afraid I only have the option of joining Grey Warden to offer, and with us, you have to fight darkspawns for all your life.” The old man said without expression. “Anything” was his only reply. Trapped like a helpless fly, he saw his life slowly engulfed by a giant, inextricable net. Deliver me from this fate, and I will do anything you ask. 

_Let me satisfy your every desire._

Alistair remembered Elissa as when they first met. Seven years old little girl with floral skirt and pigtails, spirited and carefree. She must have sneaked out to explore the castle while her parents and Guerrins were having their chat, that’s when he met her. The next hour was easily one of happiest in his miserable childhood, roaming around, giving a tour of castle to his new friend, until their little adventure was abruptly terminated by Arlessa Isolde. She took the little girl away, but not before giving him a withering, accusing glare, as if he was some kind of vermin that threatened to contaminate a precious thing, something he had no right to touch. 

Not long after that, he was whisked off to a monastery. Just like vermin. In those years, the memory about her was one of few consolations he had. He remembered her face, even as it became vaguer every passing year. He wondered what kind of young woman she grew up into, and how she looked now. Eventually, other kids came to learn about his fancy. When he was forced to admit he didn’t meet his dream girl again since she was a little child, they laughed at him. Some called him a pervert. But he refused to let go of her image. Because, to be together with her again was his greatest desire.

The next time he met Elissa, she had fully grown up, more beautiful than ever. Still spirited, but no longer carefree. She was about to join Grey Warden, something arranged for her, something she never wanted. Just like the monastery for him. Cailan and Duncan plotted this together. They wanted to boost Grey Warden Order’s reputation, the order that was filled with likes of Daveth and looked with disdain by practically every important fellow in the realm. By having a teyrna fight in its rank, they hoped to bring it the prestige the order desperately needed. Alistair had little doubt that at some point, Cailan must have offered himself, but there was no way Duncan could risk the king, the only supporter of Grey Wardens among powerful nobles. Instead, Elissa was to become the indispensable decoration of their perfect world. She was going to be fixed there by any means necessary, including extortion. She was left there to satisfy their desire. 

_My desire is for you to remain happy and safe…_

Cailan and Duncan were dead, their perfect world was irrevocably shattered into pieces, with Elissa trapped in its ruin. Alone. Filled with her rage and sorrow, she hated them with her every fiber, seething, howling, and languishing. Alistair witnessed her suffering day after day, and could do nothing to comfort her.

Happy. Safe. There couldn’t be another two words that have less to do with a Grey Warden’s life. Why did he only find out now? Few with a comfortable life and a loving family ever truly wanted to join the order. Those foolish enough to be duped went amok when they found out the bitter truth. Poor Jory. Alistair tried not to think of the fallen knight, because such reflection never failed to produce a pang of guilty and regret, but he was not always successful. Jori was the best of them, the only volunteer he knew, the only one who didn’t join Grey Warden to escape one miserable life or another, or be forced into it, screaming and kicking. See what that idealism got him.

_…and be with me in this life, and to the beyond._

In a way, Alistair knew he and Elissa had already been bound together. For a Grey Warden, there was no exit, no deliverance. She must always be connected with him, doomed as he was. Never happy, never safe. He hated himself, for he was powerless to change it.

He wanted to sob, but then, something soft touched his face, soothing him. He felt lips on his cheek, kissing him gently. Woman’s lips, like so many times before. Of course, he never really had a girl kissing him in his whole life, but there was still his mother. In his dreams, he could feel mother hold him in her bosom, kissing him with all tenderness and affection in this world. “Alistair, I love you.” She was telling him, her pale green eyes shining, her breath touched his face like the first warm breeze in the spring, after a long, cruel winter. Naturally, he believed her, as he always did. He could never have the heart to ask why she chose to abandon him. 

“I love you, too.” He wanted to tell her. But her lips stubbornly pressed on, refusing to move away, forcing him to swallow every word. 

Strangely, there was a different color of her iris now. No longer the usual pale green he had become so familiar with, but a dark blue with steel’s edge, like the Waking Sea in a clear winter day. These eyes watched him with an intensity he didn’t remember, either. He blinked, trying to see them more clearly. Then he felt the passion, storm suddenly rising above a seemingly calm surface, raging and singing, dancing without restraint. 

Then, for the first time, the female face which appeared so often in his dream began to have substance. Tentatively, he rose his hands, let his fingers slide across her smooth cheeks, secretly fearing they would dissolve upon the first touch.

They didn’t. Her face was real.

She was real.

Seeing he had awaked, Elissa gave him a timid smile, like a little girl just caught doing something mischievous. She lowered her head, giving a soft kiss on his neck, just above the chest. Her honey blonde hair, once cut short like a boy but now gradually growing back, brushed his cheeks. Emotions, words, feelings, they struggled to race through his head, colliding, intertwining. He had so much to tell her, but only managed one word. 

_Why?_

“We have an agreement.” She told him, with her most innocent face. Still smiling, still timid.

“What…? Liz, wait, you don’t need-” He cursed himself for a fool he was. He should have known it’s too perfect to be real. 

Tenderly, she placed a finger over his mouth. “Shh… Am I not good enough for you?” Her tone was teasing, but he could perceive a glimmer of hidden grievance.

Without waiting an answer, she began to undress her undershirt with the other hand, almost in a tantalizing way. He could do nothing but staring more of her fair skin being exposed, as if in a trance. She carefully released the last knot on her bra, giving him another coy smile. Only then did she withdraw her finger, using her hands to cup his face, and kissed him emphatically once more.

His body still frozen, he passively let her guide his right hand on her breasts. They were not big, but firm, and perky. She looked up to him expectantly, now he could see there was shyness in her eyes, and a little uncertainty, her face flushed than ever.

“You agree?” she inquired, her voice trembled with his hand still caressing, he gave a slight nod. After a moment, there came another whisper, “And Morrigan?” He barely managed a hoarse reply without stopping his hand, “Yes, she too.” 

She let out an almost indiscernible sigh. “Very well. Please be gentle with me, I haven’t done this before.”

His expression must have betrayed his one last secret, as she made a wry face, “Wonderful. Now you are a virgin, too.” 

She didn’t give him any more chance to decide whether to apologize or to excuse himself. Letting her tenderly press his head toward her chest, the last thing he remembered was her soothing voice. “Relax. Let’s just enjoy whatever life we still have.” And then, he was lost in her female splendor.

*****

Alistair didn’t know how long he dozed off. When he opened his eyes again, there was deepest peace all around him, even with Oghren’s snore. Morrigan sprawled on her blanket. For once, she didn’t mind being peeped by him, or anyone else. The stone golem stood guard in its usual place, almost indistinct from other boulders. 

Only the blonde girl lying beside reminded him it’s not a dream. Her curled up body was only partly covered by his cloak they shared, leaving her lower legs exposed. Under the faint glow the seeped into the cave, her figure looked so vulnerable, far too delicate for this sunless piece of Void. She seemed to be murmuring something, but her expression was indiscernible. He lifted the cloak and adjusted it to cover her whole body, careful not to disturb her sleep. He couldn’t say whether she was having a nice dream or a nightmare, and if it was a good one, he didn’t want to rob whatever little happiness she still had. All he could do was gently putting one hand above hers, hoping to hold her from darkness and lend his strength to her.

They have an agreement, after all. He had made a promise.

_I will never let you fall._

**Author's Note:**

> In my headcanon, at this point, Alistair and Elissa's earlier rivalry was gradually being replaced by friendship and comradery, with their first time becoming the defining moment of their relationship.


End file.
